Chapter Two
I wonder. Did I really wish to die? Why else would I put myself out in the cold, and then fall asleep? I do not think that I'm suicidal. I'm tough. I'm not going to give in to something like death so easily. Yet, here I lay. I lay in the back of my mothers car. I can see that she has put a wool blanket around me. I'm still freezing cold. She must have went out looking for me, and then found me asleep. I think that I will only let her think that I am still sleeping. I don't exactly feel in the mood for talking at the moment.She probably thinks that I'm mental or something. I can hear her future words in my mind.What is wrong with that child? How STUPID can one person be? Well, she certainly cannot be my daughter!"You see why I did not want to have to face her? If I could pretend to be sleeping as long as i could, i could save myself from the longest talk in history, for a short while. But, heaven knows, I have to wake up at some point.We are slowly pulling in to our four story, Victorian styled, New York home. There is snow all over the place! For a brief second, I feel a rush of joy. Snow can brighten any ones day. But then, that joy is gone instantly. Mother now notices that my eyes are open. Why did I open them!? Oh well, I guess I'll just have to confront her. I'll just get it over with now."H-hey Mom." I try to sound as weak as possibly, so that she would go a little more easy on me."Oh! My baby's awake!" she screamed."Yeah Mom. I-I'm fine. Now let's just try to forget this ever happened...please.""What in God's name were you thinking!? Why would you ever do something like that, Cessy?""I only needed a walk. Uh, and then i got tired and fell asleep." That was a lie that i just spoke. I didn't "only need a walk". I needed to get away from her, and from everyone else that would remind me of my father. I was tired though. Or maybe, i was just unwilling. I still do not know if that was an attempt at death or not. Part of me hopes it wasn't, but then, the other part wishes that, if it was, my effort would have gotten me success."Well, couldn't you have first told me where you were going? I was worried sick about you!""Sorry." I really don't know what else to say. Maybe i should just turn mute. I mean, i don't even know who i am! Why should i talk, if i don't know who's talking? By saying that i don't know who i am, I mean that i don't know if i want to die. I don't know if i want to live. i can deeply hate my mother one minute, but then the next, well, she's okay. I really miss my dad. It's not like i could talk to him either. But, if i had a problem, he wouldn't make me talk. Mom, she does. This sounds completely horrible, but, once in a while, i wish that she would have been the one to lose her life instead of Dad. Although I only think about that sometimes, the thought is always within me."Cessy, stop daydreaming and get inside before you freeze to death! You seriously can't be that stupid now!"It hurts. It hurts when she calls me stupid. Maybe she should look in the mirror. No, that wouldn't do any help. If it hasn't worked those three hours everyday that she spends staring at herself, it won't begin to work now. I follow her into the house. Salty tears are gracefully gliding down my cheeks. I follow my mother inside. Now it feels more official. My dad actually seems dead, now that i have seen the proof that i needed to. I slowly close the door behind myself after i have entered our home. We haven't even been back two minutes, and Mom's already on the telephone, and it's nearly ten o-clock at night."Will it be ready by tomorrow?" I don't really wonder what she means by "it". In fact, I don't really care. I mean, after funerals, aren’t people supposed to be, well, less insensitive? Yet, she goes about her life as though nothing has happened. I was hoping that her brittle arms would be available for holding me like they used to when I was a child. Like before she got her new job. Before she started making money. She was totally different. She was a mom. I think, at one point I actually loved her."Perfect! About how many trips will we be needing to take? One only? Oh how wonderful!" She says bye, and then she hangs up the phone. Oh no! She is moving towards me. Without making it seem too obvious that i am desperately trying to get away from her, i inch my way closer to the stairs. Once i make it to my room, I will close and lock my door, and perhaps, not to make it all seem rude, say that I'm getting dressed and tell her to go away."Cessy! I have got a surprise for you!""What is it, Mom?" I ask her, trying to sound as enthused as she appears to be. The surprise is probably no more than something like, a puppy, or something else that i could really care much less about."Well, your father, he had a great amount of life insurance money on him. He also wrote us down, in his will, to receive all of the money he had to his name, and, well, try to stay calm sweetie," I could tell that she was just dieing to tell me, and i am really tired, so, for my own sake, I have to push her on with it."For heaven's sake! SPIT IT ON OUT!""We're moving!""Wha-what!?""We're moving to England! London England! Tomorrow!" she squeaks.I can barely believe what she had just spew out of her mouth! It's not that i seriously do not mind moving to London, I mean, there's nothing that i have to miss here. It was the whole idea of it. So, my father dies, Mother takes his money and ships us off to England. I am very sorry if i am wide of the mark, but i do not think that this was my father's intention when he had left his money with us. I really wish that this whole surprise thing could have just been a puppy.I don't know what to do now. I stand here, with my jaw dropped down to my knees."Uhm, okay then. Well, anyways, I have another surprise before we leave tomorrow!" she says. Without knowing what to say or do, I run upstairs. Nearly falling, I dash into my room and slam shut the door.I fall back against it, so that she will not be able to enter. I am so very tired. I need to sit and rest. My back leisurely slides down the door, until i am sitting on the floor in distress. I stay here a while, just thinking.Standing up, I lock my door. I then go and lie down on my bed. I'm asleep before my head crashes onto the pillow.